


Warehouse Botany 101

by hibernate



Category: Warehouse 13
Genre: F/F, Hijinks & Shenanigans, Plants
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-11-23
Updated: 2012-11-23
Packaged: 2017-11-19 08:11:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,409
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/571090
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hibernate/pseuds/hibernate
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which a handful of Regents get turned into potted plants by an Artifact, and team Warehouse have to be plant-sitters. (In other words, business as usual.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Warehouse Botany 101

It is, of course, bound to happen the second Pete says, 'Six Regents on a tour of the Warehouse? What could possibly go wrong?"

And now the Regents are plants. Artifact plants. Artifact Regent plants. This probably does not mean anything good to Myka's pay check, nevermind that it's all Pete's fault.

"The good news is, they all seem to be healthy." Vanessa gestures towards the potted plants lined up on Artie's desk. "But I'm a doctor, not a botanist. Maybe we should find a gardener."

Myka eyes the plants, keeping her arms crossed. "How do we turn them back?"

"Now that the Artifact is neutralized, it will most likely pass," Vanessa replies. "Just give it some time."

Pete takes a nervous step back. "Dibs on not telling my mom! Or Mrs. Frederic. In fact, before you do, it would be kinda sweet if you could hide me somewhere."

"You're the one who turned the Regents into _plants_!" Myka snaps, because she's not exactly looking forward to those conversations either, and she's not even the one who Artfacted a handful of Regents.

"Actually," Artie says, poking one of the Regent plants in the leaves, "I think I like them better this way."

 

*

 

After some serious deliberation ('I don't know anything about plants!' 'Don't look at me, this is all your fault.' 'I have no intention of babysitting your plants, _children_.'), it is decided that they all take one Regent each.

Pete is quick to snag the one marked 'Deb Stanley', clutching it dramatically to his chest. "Oh, Debs. Wonderful, sweet, _forgiving_ Debbie. I'll take care of you."

"I don't think she can hear you," Myka remarks, taking a plant from the table, one in a pot marked, 'Adwin Kosan'. 

"Hey! You don't know that."

"Plants have no ears!"

Turning back to his plant, Pete whispers, "Don't listen to her, babe."

"Well, congratulations," Myka says, putting a hand on her hip. "Turning your girlfriend into a plant must be a new personal low for you."

"It'll wear off! And she's not my 'girlfriend'. We're... _friends_. Who sometimes spend quality time together. In bed. Don't look at me like that, Ms. 'It's Complicated'."

"I don't know what you're talking about," Myka says, but decides quickly - for no reason, no reason at all - to not give Pete a further hard time about the complexities of his love life.

Anyway, she has a plant to take care of.

 

*

 

The next morning, Myka starts with Steve.

"I looked it up," she says, taking out her notebook, "and they seem to be some kind of orchid. I made a schedule for appropriate watering and sun exposure."

Steve holds up his own piece of paper full of scribbled notes. "Already ahead of you."

"See, this is why you're my favorite."

 

*

 

"I call it the Grow 'n' Glow 5000." Claudia pushes her goggles up on her head, gesturing towards the contraption on the table. "Look, there's a sensor here to keep track of moisture levels, and this thing sprinkles cake sparkles over the leaves every six hours."

Myka stares, unsure where to even start. "...cake sparkles?"

"Well, yeah. 'Cause, you know. Sparkles! Don't worry, it's almost organic."

"Okay, just... Just try not to kill it, okay?"

"Pffft," Claudia says, waving her bright pink power drill around and accidentally knocking down half the contents on the table, "would I ever?"

Myka tries not to cringe.

 

*

 

"You can't keep it in here, Artie, it needs light!"

Looking up from his stack of papers, Artie turns his study-lamp towards the plant perched precariously on the edge of his desk.

" _Sun_ light," Myka clarifies.

"Nonsense." Artie peers up at her over the brim of his glasses. "I live here and I'm doing fine without 'sunlight'."

"You're not a plant!"

Not that common sense like that does any good. Artie just shrugs. "Look at it. It's doing fine." He leans in closer to the plant, pinning it under his gaze. " _Aren't you_?"

It must be her imagination, but for a second, Myka thinks it looks like the plant sort of trembles.

 

*

 

Leena just laughs. "That's sweet of you, Myka, but I don't need a schedule."

As if it isn't bad enough that Leena doesn't share Myka's concerns over Claudia's crazy plant machine (going so far as to call it 'cute'), nor Artie's extreme plant neglect - her plant also seems to be thriving in a somewhat alarming way. "How did you make yours grow so fast?" Myka asks, frowning against it.

"Oh, I haven't done anything special." Leena touches the leaves affectionately, and the plant seems to practically glow when she comes near. 

It's _totally_ unfair. Practically cheating, in fact.

She's going to need to tweak her schedule.

 

*

 

H.G. comes to visit, late at night, as always, and Myka doesn't get a chance to tell her about the unfortunate Regent/plant accident until the morning.

"Adwin Kosan, you say?" H.G. studies the plant, face unreadable. "Why, isn't this an interesting position we find ourselves in."

Myka quickly puts herself between the plant and H.G., giving her a stern look. "No, _no_ , no threatening of my plant."

"I don't believe there were any threats voiced," H.G. says, turning her chin up and crossing her arms.

"I'm serious, Helena. I'm trying to create a soothing environment."

Just like that, H.G. slips from sulking to teasing, taking a cat-like step closer, lips quirking in a smirk. "Oh, _that_ 's what you were attempting to do last night?"

"Shush," Myka says, because she is not about to let H.G. bait her, no matter how good she happens to be at charming the pants off of... people.

"Certainly," H.G. replies evenly, and leans into kiss her instead. Myka barely has the time to shield the plant with her hand. 

She really hopes she was right about the plants not being able to hear or see anything.

 

*

 

When H.G. leaves, two days later, Myka decides to tweak the schedule again. Perhaps even start over from scratch. The point is, thorough investigation is needed, in order to smooth out all imperfections and make it flawless.

It's probably going to take up all of her free time.

 

*

 

It's Saturday morning, and Myka is just getting back from Univille's local plant shop (' Bud's Buds'), when the Regents turn back into themselves.

(Myka kind of thinks they could have waited until she'd had the opportunity to try out the new fertilizer.)

In her room, instead of Mr. Kosan, she finds Deb, because apparently Pete cannot be trusted to label things correctly. "That was... strange," Deb says, running a hand over her suit-jacket.

All things considered, Myka is actually kind of impressed by how at ease Deb is. If Pete had turned her into a plant, Myka doesn't think she'd be quite so relaxed. It must be a Regent thing. "You have a leaf in your hair," Myka points out, gesturing vaguely in its direction.

"Oh," Deb says, plucking it calmly from her head, and smiling at Myka. "Thank you. And thanks for taking such good care of me. I really appreciate it."

From the hallway, Pete comes running, stopping in front of Deb and putting his hands on her shoulders. "Debs! Deb-a-licious! _Debernator_."

Deb crosses her arms, shooting him a glare. "You turned me into a plant."

"You did say you wanted a vacation."

"Yeah, we'll see." Ducking under Pete's arms and turning back to Myka, Deb smiles again and reaches out to squeeze Myka's hands. "Please keep in touch, Myka."

Pete looks quite heartbroken when Deb leaves, and Myka would feel sorry for him if the whole thing hadn't been his fault. "Don't worry, Pete, I'm sure she'll forgive you. Sometime in the next five years or so."

Possibly she can't quite resist snickering. "Yeah, whatever," Pete shoots back, crossing his arms, "I'm not the one channeling their sexual frustrations into botany."

Good mood gone in an instant, Myka mutters, "Shut up," and jabs her elbow into Pete's ribs.

"You shut up," Pete replies, poking her back in return.

"You shut up first."

"You shut up _second_."

"I _will_."

(Later, they decide on a mutual ceasefire regarding people who are not their girlfriends.)

 

*

 

On the way downstairs, Mr. Kosan walks past them, stopping to adjust his tie and give Pete a somewhat chilly look. "I appreciate the great effort you put into my care, Agent Lattimer. But we will _never speak of this again_."

**Author's Note:**

> Bud's Buds - the Best Damn Plant Shop in Univille. Don't you forget it.


End file.
